Fuck you! Just kidding. But now that I have your attention… Welcome to my blog. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is John. I’m 26, unemployed and living on my parents’ couch. If, after learning that, you can still fathom sleeping with me, read on. I’m starting this blog because for some reason I think I’m funny (I’m not). Plus, it’s really all I have left. I’ve tried screenwriting, but failed miserably. I tried acting…failed. Tried stand-up and failed at that, too (further proof that I’m not funny). I would try modeling, but I don’t really think ‘beer gut’ is the image they’re looking for. So here I am. Hidden behind a computer screen, getting paid nothing.
Alright, here’s the deal. I plan to have a new blog posted every Tuesday; once a week, because I’m lazy. Why Tuesday? Because it’s the beginning of the week for me. Mondays are irrelevant. They’re strictly for hangovers. So hopefully you tune in each week to learn how pathetic and terrible decisions can lead to a complete lack of success.
You can follow me on Twitter at @johnfeldmanjr because I sometimes say inappropriate things. You can also get a copy of my book, How to Be Unsuccessful. Actually, no you can’t. It isn’t out, yet. When will it be? Well that all depends on me getting an agent. Keep your eyes open.
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